A little more than a year ago, I was waiting at my normal Q23 bus stop in Forest Hills, New York, when the man pictured above got behind me in line. He proceeded to move closer and closer to me until I could feel his crotch on my back. I asked him to step away and he proceeded to tell me to shut the fuck up. Once the bus arrived, I was trying to keep my distance and move onto the bus, as I swiped my MetroCard in the reader, he stepped up close on top of me again. I then turned around and said ‘you need to stop touching me now.’ He replied by calling me a bitch, and telling me that he would strangle me, punch me in the face, etc. This happened RIGHT in front of an MTA employee, the driver of the bus. He did nothing. As I moved to sit down, the man followed me toward the back of the bus and called me a fucking bitch again, and said ‘i’ll fucking kill you.’ I sat down, he walked past and sat down behind me.
I was extremely shaken, and when I left the bus, I immediately entered the subway toward my office. When I got into my office, I was still shaken and cried. As a former victim of abuse and violence, it is very difficult for me to take anger from a man like this in stride. In my case, it has almost NEVER ended in a peaceful parting of ways. I lived with it daily for years before fucking up my entire life to walk away. That is not okay. None of this is okay.
I called the MTA, taking more than an hour away from my desk without approval from my superiors, to speak with someone and file a claim. It took me twenty minutes to even figure out how to reach someone to speak about what happened. AT THE VERY LEAST, that bus driver should have helped me. He should have told this man to stop speaking to me that way, he should have asked him to get off of the bus, HE SHOULD HAVE CALLED THE POLICE. After speaking with someone at the MTA and being assured they would ‘take this very seriously’ and ‘be in touch very shortly’, I have not once heard back. This was over one year ago. I have not been able to get in touch with anyone who can provide me with details of any further investigation into the bus I was on, the cameras on the bus, the bus driver or any witnesses to this man verbally abusing me, touching me inappropriately, and then threatening my life.
This morning, I woke up to see this news report via Pix11 posted on facebook via a friend. It was him. He had, on a different bus route in Queens, New York, yelled at, made derogatory statements to, and then SPIT ON A 15 YEAR OLD FEMALE.
The fact that I attempted to report an incident about a violence against myself while using an MTA service that is 100% necessary for me to get around New York City, and not one single person reached out to me or looked into it further, is disgraceful. The MTA should be ashamed, and obviously, I should have taken matters into my own hands and called the police myself, risking my job. But here I am, taking blame again for something that was NOT my fault. The fact that I cannot peacefully take my morning commute in a relatively safe neighborhood in New York City without worrying about a person entering my personal space with bad intentions, or speaking to me in a way that triggers previous abuse, has one thousand percent affected my life. I work from home now. I rarely take the subway alone. I live in New York City, and when a man touches me inappropriately on the subway or bus, I think twice about asking him to please step away. This 15 year old girl will now do the same. She’ll remember this. And sadly, it probably is not the first time something like this has happened to her, and not the last. It’s not the first or last time for any of us. I can’t be okay with that. I refuse.
I am signal boosting this like crazy all over the internet, and I implore you to do the same. If you are a woman, a person who has any reason for fear of being treated lesser than, a man who has ever loved and/or feared for the women in your life, if you are anyone. This man violated me over one year ago, and the MTA did nothing. He violated a teenage female on a bus again. How many women did he hurt or offend in between these two offenses? How many more will he threaten in his lifetime? Is there a woman somewhere who loves him and should know?
Please spread the word. If you know anything about this man, or would like to reach out to the MTA regarding the safety of their paying customers, I’ve provided some phone numbers below. Please help spread the word and keep this bullshit from happening to our daughters.
To reach the MTA and/or make a complaint, please call: 718-330-3322
To reach Crime Stoppers with any information about this man, please call: 800-577-TIPS (8477)
Makeup for a really long time now has been something I use to hide because it makes me feel happier, and I know that if I actually want to peruse any kind of modelling I can’t be covered in the shit all the time, so from today onwards I’m going to try and make more of an effort to stop relying on the stuff so much. Baby steps obviously; but in this photo I only have 4 different types of makeup on compared to the 15+ I would usually use. I hope I actually stick to this I can become more confident without the stuff, will save me a lot of money as well haha!! :)
Being in fraternity is weird.
It seeps through every action
If I compliment you
It’s because I want to have sex
If I give you a drink
You have to make sure it’s safe
Because now I’m the enemy
Even though I’m not
Because I’m a part of it
No one has tried
To change the image
Of frat boys
Sneaking pills in drinks
Of taking advantage
That every girl is scared
When I wear a shirt
With three letters on it
Seriously. It’s weird because I am not that person. I know I’m not. And it’s so hard to change it because so many guys, whether in a fraternity or not, are misogynistic and do not care. Today four of my 25 brothers at school showed up to a SAFE-sponsored event. SAFE at our school being the small group dedicated to helping people who are affected by sexual violence. It’s shitty and I’m rambling bye.
Outlined this about two years ago. Second session today. Thanks Tobias!! (at Hold It Down Tattoo)